osmie: (Bowler)
[personal profile] osmie
to the tune of "Life on Mars"

The succession’s a combat zone
For the girl with the Lion Throne,
But her mummy’s presumed deceased
And her sister has left for the east.

Now the Dragon’s nowhere to be seen:
After making the saidin clean,
In the heart of the Tairen Stone,
He’s still hooked to Tarmon Gai’don.

So we’ll watch the Forsaken spar,
As we’ve done for ten books so far,
Like puffed up, self-important fools…
Then he asks us to follow the

Seanchan Daughter of the Nine Moons
And Mat! Wonder if they’ll ever wed,
Or lead an army instead.
Take a look at Lord Perrin
Drumming up some allies—
Plot twist! Forkroot in the reservoir
Is part of his repertoire.

But what’s the Knife of Dreams?

It’s Lan Mandragoran’s tortured vow,
That old Malkier has been dead till now.
But he’s raising the Golden Crane:
With Nynaeve he’ll rule again.

Follow Masema’s milling hordes
From Altara in a false accord,
Where the Shaido are out of bounds
And Sevanna’s a gaudy clown.

Sure, the book has a low-ish bar,
But I’ve read it ten times so far.
It’s about to be read again,
As he asks me to focus on

Whitecloaks fighting in the courtyard!
Omens! Look at those black-eyed crows.
Taste some weevily dough.

Take a look at Elaida
Losing her supporters
Just so: every time Egwene is beat,
She’s more the Amyrlin Seat.

But what’s the Knife of Dreams?


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Osmium Penguin

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