osmie: (Bowler)
[personal profile] osmie
to the tune of "Solsbury Hill"

Reading through The Gathering Storm,
Can you see the ending yet?
Since the Dragon was reborn,
Prophesies have all been met.
All the food has weevils now;
Wonder how the armies eat.
Every country, every town
Has a curse on every street.
Mat's proceeding north into Caemlyn:
Bazooka cannons keep his hand in,
And soon they'll go boom! boom! boom!
"Rand," he'll say, "you can have your war,
But me, I'm going home."

A better conqueror than a king,
Rand is one annoying jerk.
Paranoid of parroting
Even plans that just might work.
For alliance he'll commit
Brinksmanlike diplomacy,
Smiting Seanchan in a snit
'Cause they won't set their damane free.
He does not believe what Cadsuane says;
He has no trust in second chances.
Balefire goes foom! foom! foom!
"Ha!" he says, "I'll burn you too,
If you think you'll take me home."

Raken fly against the Tower;
Egwene is where she wants to be.
In the dark eleventh hour,
She'll repel the Seanchan spree.
Siuan summons saidar power,
Bonds a Warder (finally),
Yanks Egwene, despite her glower,
Back to camp and calls her free.
And though she wasn't halfway to clamouring,
She'll show them what it means to be Amyrlin.
Her heart going boom! boom! boom!
"Bryne," she says, "You can grab your troops,
It's time to take us home."
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Osmium Penguin

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