osmie: (Bowler)
[personal profile] osmie
"Pardon me, is that 'Aaron Burr, Sir'?"
"Why, you've perfectly discerned my every word, sir."
"Well, I try to be alert to such an earworm." "Sure!
I invited it to burrow, back in Worcestershire.
I like the meter of its patter."
"—But the curse, sir!"
"There's a curse?" "Yes, 'twas laid by Irvin Kershner.
Whoever surrogates this worm shall utter worse verse
Than any poet ever nursed — and unrehearsed!"
That sounds disturbing, even worrisome."
"There's further, sir!
Your every furtive waking thought will nearly burst, sir,
With misbegotten creativity!"
"Perverse!" "Sure!
You'll work out overtures for gerbils, intersperse words
Of thermonuclear disturbance through your sermons, purl
Where you should knit, and then you'll knit where you should purl, sir,
And in this surfeit of interminable bird turds,
You'll nurture murderous desserts — you'll curdle bourbon, sir!"

"I am thoroughly appalled: is there no cure?" "Sure:
Wear this dayglo purple rayon Herman's Hermits shirt,
And impersonate a younger William Shatner."
You speak from personal assurance? This will work?"
Well, to be terse, I've mainly heard from Wikicurse."
You had me nervous for a moment! Now disperse, sir;
I must insist that you stop rhyming."
"At your words, sir."

(with deep apologies to Lin-Manuel Miranda)
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Osmium Penguin

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