osmie: (Bowler)
— inspired by something [livejournal.com profile] vuge posted on Facebook — and posted in the knowledge that my use of hip-hop is a long way from any historical roots of the genre.

[+ + + +] There is a re-
POR-ted SPEECH [+] PROB-lem in the
NEW [+] post-LI-te-rate. [+] Con-
SI-der ev-ery BIT of it IN-
te-gra-ted IN-to our STA-ted
com-mu-ni-CA-tion? [+] We ob-
LI-te-rate a PART of each [+]
GIF [+] dot POP-u-lum, and e-
MO-ji on-ly flow be-fore we
show we know what tone's be-low the
I-ro-ny. WHY are we TRY-ing
here to slow the FI-re we ig-
NI-ted with IN-ter-net on de-
VI-ces? [+] Re-PORT-ing speech in-
STEAD of em-BED-ding each [+] beat
[+] you've READ? [+] Why you SAID a
thing that most would TWIT-ter it?
osmie: (Bowler)
Dyspeptic wombat
Wearing a hat,
Knee pads for combat,
Fancy cravat:
Heart full of bombast,
Cheek, and éclat:
Welcome at long last
To 'moticon chat!
osmie: (Bowler)
"Pardon me, is that 'Aaron Burr, Sir'?"
"Why, you've perfectly discerned my every word, sir."
"Well, I try to be alert to such an earworm." "Sure!
I invited it to burrow, back in Worcestershire.
I like the meter of its patter."
"—But the curse, sir!"
"There's a curse?" "Yes, 'twas laid by Irvin Kershner.
Whoever surrogates this worm shall utter worse verse
Than any poet ever nursed — and unrehearsed!"
"Brrr!
That sounds disturbing, even worrisome."
"There's further, sir!
Your every furtive waking thought will nearly burst, sir,
With misbegotten creativity!"
"Perverse!" "Sure!
You'll work out overtures for gerbils, intersperse words
Of thermonuclear disturbance through your sermons, purl
Where you should knit, and then you'll knit where you should purl, sir,
And in this surfeit of interminable bird turds,
You'll nurture murderous desserts — you'll curdle bourbon, sir!"

"I am thoroughly appalled: is there no cure?" "Sure:
Wear this dayglo purple rayon Herman's Hermits shirt,
And impersonate a younger William Shatner."
"Sir,
You speak from personal assurance? This will work?"
"Er,
Well, to be terse, I've mainly heard from Wikicurse."
"Cur!
You had me nervous for a moment! Now disperse, sir;
I must insist that you stop rhyming."
"At your words, sir."

(with deep apologies to Lin-Manuel Miranda)
osmie: (Default)
No one ever listens when you tweet.
No one's really watching -- what a shame!
Half of all your followers are ladies from Detroit
Whose pictures look suspiciously the same.

Oh, no one really knows you when you tweet.
No one in the real world knows your name.
Oscar Wilde said something just as clever once or twice,
So how's it fair that he gets all the fame?

No, no one's bloody listening when you tweet,
And no one gives a hoot what you declaim.
Spitting in the wind'll get you farther down the street,
And hide and seek's a more enriching game.

Please feel free to add more stanzas in the comments.
osmie: (Default)
No one ever listens when you tweet.
No one's really watching -- what a shame!
Half of all your followers are ladies from Detroit
Whose pictures look suspiciously the same.

Oh, no one really knows you when you tweet.
No one in the real world knows your name.
Oscar Wilde said something just as clever once or twice,
So how's it fair that he gets all the fame?

No, no one's bloody listening when you tweet,
And no one gives a hoot what you declaim.
Spitting in the wind'll get you farther down the street,
And hide and seek's a more enriching game.

Please feel free to add more stanzas in the comments.

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osmie: (Default)
Osmium Penguin

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