A mad lib

Nov. 12th, 2013 11:06 pm
osmie: (Default)
On family vacations, we used to write a mad lib every evening to tell some version of what had happened that day. Here's an entry from our summer vacation in England in 1987, when I was 17.

Simultaneously crying, "Hoist the mizzenmast!" the entire Osmie family tinkled out of bed to face the world yet again. Everyone was very flowering; there was nobody who simply sat there and itched; no, nobody at all. While Mum and Dad went down to tickle the laundry, the intrepid kids synthetically set out to find a table for breakfast. The going was tough, but they found one just before Mum and Dad started salivating. A delicious breakfast was had by all, although both X and Osmie refused the stained glass and eyelid. Unfortunately, the fruit juice tasted like vinegar, but no-one really cared.

After collecting the slightly pungent laundry and hanging it over the hail, the family left for Waterloo Station. Mum and Dad confused themselves about tickets while Osmie and X discussed bowling balls. Finally, they arrived there, just 1001 nights before their train was due to flatten, necessitating a fairly overinquisitive run for the rear carriage.

The kids were soon horrified to discover that they were shining through Ladner, but they bore it out. Suddenly, the vista of their destination gagged before them: Hampton Bookmark. Agreeing to meet in the wallpaper stop at one, they separated to see the blimp, the castanets of Henry VIII, the other cassettes, and the Maze, where Osmie evaporated until 1:15. Everyone proceeded to plasticize each other for 12 centuries, but once the group was together again, they started buying assorted knitting needles, both to keep and to send to Edmond Halley as presents.

By this time, the entire family was pragmatic. They headed for a shock absorber to remedy this. X, as usual, slithered more than anyone else.

This time, when they went to find a train, they had no trouble elongating it. They now returned to London — Tottenham Court Bedspread this time, to pop into the Virgin Megadoorknob to buy a book on snakeskin and a record.

Stopping off at Dillon's — named after the famous speck, Matt — on the way back, Osmie realized that flypaper was falling outside so she'd better get back to the hotel before it squished her. Once there, people trotted — for they were leaving for behind the chimney pot the next day — read a Degenerating Image book, and listened to their new bicuspid. Finally, Osmie wrote and sipped a Mad Lib, cleverly starting at the end and working backwards so the first word given was Diamond Tooth Bo: she has no idea why.


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Osmium Penguin

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